Social anxiety, anyone? 11/20/2015

Hey guys! So, I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there that might suffer from social anxiety? I went to a therapist recently who stated she believes that is a large part of why I am feeling depressed and lacking friendships. I feel very alone in my life currently, due to being in the military, and really just wanted to connect with others who may be going through similar situations. My struggle: I've always been an anxious person to some degree, but when I went through basic training, it made it like a billion times worse. I find myself constantly afraid of offending someone or being disrespectful, especially if they outrank me. I feel myself hyperventilating and unable to sleep if I didn't stand right or issue the correct military greeting, etc.. and that attitude is leaking into trying to make friends. Afraid I didn't do or say the right thing. Even though I rarely get in trouble, am respected as a soldier, and have received recognition for being an example on multiple occasions, just being in an environment that condones and supports, what I think many places would consider, verbal abuse and public humiliation as an appropriate way to deal with employees stresses me out to no end. I've been having health problems due to the stress, even if I'm not the recipient of the anger and yelling. I understand the military is that way for a reason, but I'm finding that I am not really cut out for it emotionally. I am only 24, and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a constant state of stress that inhibits my ability to make friends. I want to go home where I know people miss me, where being happy and smiling can further your career instead of hinder it, where I was known for laughing. Does anyone else out there feel stuck in a situation that makes it hard to make friends? Does anyone else find it hard to make friends because you are so afraid you won't be a good friend? Does anyone else find themselves obsessing over their social mistakes and unable to forgive themselves? Thanks for reading guys, I know it might be kind of a weird post, but hey, I got nothing to lose.

My response: Social anxiety is more than just shyness. Just thinking about meeting or mingling with others can cause a pounding heart, shaky voice, rapid breathing, sweating, blushing, an upset stomach. It’s no wonder it sometimes feels easier to avoid other people completely. It will come as no surprise that the key is in learning to relax in social situations. When you feel calmer socially, thoughts like: “What do I say next?” disappear. You go into flow and allow conversation to take its own natural path, without feeling you have to force it. And that horrible feeling of ’all eyes on me‘ fades as it starts to feel much less important if others are focusing on you or not. Not many people think of worrying as self-programming, but it is. When you worry intensely about upcoming social situations, you are repeatedly linking anxiety to the events. Then when you actually go into the social situation itself, you feel anxious, you’ve programmed yourself to feel this way. You can start to change this response by taking time to think about the future gathering whilst relaxed, maybe when sitting in a comfortable chair or relaxing in a warm bath. Imagine seeing yourself at the social event, looking relaxed and confident. Do this repeatedly and your body and mind will forge a new and better automatic association to these times. Imagine living in a house for thirty years, but always avoiding one room. When you finally ventured into the mysterious room, you might feel a little tense and anxious. Why? The more we avoid something, the more we send the message to the unconscious mind: “I am avoiding this because it is dangerous.” Your mind, trying to be helpful, builds up the fear of what it is you’re avoiding even more. In nature, we avoid a clump of trees because it might have lions in it or we avoid cliff edges because falling off means death. We avoid what frightens us and, in return, are frightened by what we avoid. So start actively putting yourself in social situations. In fact, even imagining doing this, as well as doing it for real will help show your unconscious mind. The point is that social anxiety gets us caring too much about what others think. Trying to present a perfect front makes us stilted by driving out spontaneity. Typical self-conscious thoughts are:















“I hope no one notices I’m tense.”







“What if people think I’m stupid?!”







“Who would want to hear anything I have to say?”







“I think I’m coming across as a weirdo!”