I'm angry all the time. 11/19/2015

Hello, I had a friend cut me out of her because she thought I wanted to have an affair with her husband. I've even reading the other posts and can see how often this crops up. The gutless wonder dumped me because she thought I was hot for her husband (I wasn't honestly). I feel immense anger and hatred towards her and just can't seem to get over it. I went on holiday thinking it would help me but came back even more depressed as I was treated really badly by a family member. I have never had anger issues before but it's a combination of extremely hurt feelings, rejection and being alone. I work, have friends,family and carry on for the most part but inside I can't shake the anger. It's no use telling me to get over it, deal with it, it's not worth it. I know and understand all the logic yet it's defying me. I hate the people who have treated me so badly and hate that there's no justice. Why do good people get hurt all the time? I know it's life. It will pass. Get a hobbie, keep distracted, focus on good things but reading all that just annoys me more. I want to wallow, feel angry and despise wrong doers who get over it. I don't need to see a therapist, I'm just justified in feeling so hurt and my behaviour is not irrational. I hate hating all the time but can't stop feeling upset, annoyed, angry all the time. I'm finding it very difficult. Help?

My response: You said "I want to wallow and feel angry and despise wrong doers who get over it?" You're choosing to remain angry; you just said you 'want to' feel angry. You'd rather stew in anger, bitterness, and rage than make the other choice, forget the lady who did you wrong, let go of it, which would permit you to laugh and enjoy your life again. If you're busy obsessing over her, you're not paying attention to the present. You can be enjoying your life now, rather than stuck focused on her and something she did oh-so-many weeks or months ago. You said, I know it's life. It will pass. Get a hobbie, keep distracted, focus on good things but reading all that just annoys me more. That advice is usually given to people who are sad, depressed, or heartbroken over a friendship demise, not to someone who is angry. You said, I don't want to forgive, why should I? Because hating this person is obviously taking up a lot of your time, consuming you and your thoughts, and it's taking away your joy. It's making you feel miserable. 'Stayingh angry or bitter at someone is like injecting poison into your own veins, but expecting the person you're angry at to die from it." It does not really matter how horrible or unfair the person was to you; I'm sure you're entirely justified in the anger, but that's not the point of anything, it makes you feel more entitied to hold a grudge. You have to make a conscious, deliberate decision to stop being angry at the person, and to stop permitting your emotions to control you, and stop dwelling on whatever it was they did or said to you, or about you. This may mean anytime you find yourself starting to about them and what they said or did, you make a deliberate choice to start thinking about something else, go pull the weeds out of your garden, watch a favourite TV show, whatever takes your mind off it. I'm not saying this is always easy. It's a process and takes time, and I think it also takes self-discipline. I think it comes easier for most of us to stew in hate and anger rather than to forgive a person.