Lost my best friend after moving. 04/08/2016

My family packed up and moved about an hour away from my old school friends and life about two years ago. I figured I would find just as nice friends at my new school. After a few months, I realized that was not so.

I had a best friend at my old school that has to be my favorite person in the world. I miss her with my entire soul. Every time a sad song comes on the radio I think of her. We were in contact, but then I lost her email somehow.

I bet she probably is best friends with someone else now. I need her right now. People at my new school are nothing like her and I can’t seem to go a day without thinking of her. We have gone our separate ways but I need her to take me back.

I’ve considered contacting her thousands of times but what if she changed and thinks the message is dumb. Please help. I feel that my time to get her back is over but there may be hope. I need you to help me and give me advice.

I am depressed and am in counseling. We thought it would help but not much is working. If I move back my father will not be able to come and I love him like the world.

My response: I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. Friends, especially BFFs, are special and unique. Losing them whether through a move or any other circumstance can be very painful.

Have you tried to contact your friend through social media? Even if she has a new best friend, that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be happy to hear from you.

In two years both of you have probably changed some. You’ve had different experiences and known different people. Even if you didn’t relocate, you’d both would have grown in that time, possibly in different directions.

I’m glad you’re in counseling. Give it some time, most people seeing counselors don’t feel better right away. If you feel like your current therapist isn’t helping and that things aren’t getting better, talk to her about whether she’s the right fit for you and tell her how she can be more helpful.

Your letter sounds like you’re in a lot of pain. When you say that you “need” her to take you back, that sets up an imbalance of power in the relationship, meaning you see her as more important than you. This isn’t healthy, and it sets you up for being hurt.

I don’t think moving back would solve your problem. In fact, I think you might feel worse if you did, especially if your friend has a new set of friends and isn’t interested.

In the mean time, work hard with your therapist. Talk about things that are uncomfortable. I always tell teens the more they don’t want to discuss something in therapy, the more they probably need to bring up the topic. Before you contact your friend, talk to your counselor about how you’ll handle different reactions or not hearing from your friend so that you are prepared.

You might also talk to her about the difficulties you’re having connecting with people in your new school. When someone is depressed, it can make it hard to reach out to new people.