Is this cruel or just clueless? 11/23/2015

Hey, I have a very good friend of many years who has been refusing to reply to my communications (including invitations) for several months and has not given me any reason for doing so. She has not even responded to inquiries from me about whether everything is okay. At the same time, she is reaching out to my friends with posts on their Facebook walls, etc.. Posts that she knows I will likely see. These are not really mutual friends, these are friends of mine whom she knows vaguely but whom she has never really socialized with other than through me. My question is: Does it seem like this is a passive-aggressive move to let me know that she is definitely not speaking to me (by showing me that she is speaking to them), or is it possible that someone could be this clueless and not be attempting to somehow communicate with me through these actions? I find it incredibly bizarre, disturbing and, frankly, embarrassing (I would prefer that my friends be left out of all of this).

My response: It does come across as a passive-aggressive, “rub-your-nose-in-it” action.It is a very juvenile thing to do. I'm sorry you had to go through this, I know first-hand how painful it can be. For what it’s worth, in the long run, you’ll be better off without someone in your life who’s capable of turning on you with no warning, and no explanation afterwards. That might not help with the pain and confusion you’re feeling right now, but there will be a light at the end of this, I promise. She has her own friends, so I do not think she is trying to poach. It just feels more like either serious social cluelessness or an attempt to let me know that she is not ignoring everyone , just me. For example, I asked her out to a lovely dinner to celebrate something in her life. No response at all, but a few days later, she commented on a friend’s post. Puzzling, no? That is one of a few examples I could cite, where I contact her, she ignores and then she contacts a friend of mine either by social network or email. It definitely sounds like some “crazy-making” behavior. Either she could be trying to show you that she will still talk to your friends and not you, or she is trying to save face with your friends to make you look like the crazy one in case you talk badly about her to one of them. Either way, it’s just not right.