Office friendships: When you are neither fish nor fowl. 02/24/2016

I am a professional nurse and counselor working on staff at a large Protestant church. My private office is in the church office area. The pastors have their own “clique” which is their professional group. I am occasionally invited to social events with them but these are ministry related.

The “office staff’ tend to be social but do not include me in any ‘after work’ activity unless I invite them. I truly do not enjoy being social with the pastors as I receive referrals from them. The office staff is loud and often inappropriate. Some of them are also my clients and come to me for counseling.

It is awkward making friends here because of the relationships and confidentiality by which I am bound. Yet, it is hurtful when the office goes out and does not include me, then talks about their events in front of me the next staff meeting.



Since I serve in ministry to this large congregation, I also need to retain a professional distance. Is this wise or should I reach out? There is also the concern about confidentiality, which is why I think I am on everyone’s “C” list socially. Suggestions?

My response: As a counselor in the church, you have a different role and distinctly different responsibilities than either the pastors or the office staff.

While you are struggling to figure out an appropriate way to relate to your colleagues, I’m sure that they are also uncertain about how they should interact with you, both at work and outside the office.

As a counselor, your first responsibility is to your clients. I don’t think there is any “fix” for feeling the way you do about the social aspects of work other than to realize why this is occurring (which you do). Also, you need to make sure you nurture and maintain friendships outside the workplace.

It’s common for CEOs, too, to say that it’s “lonely at the top.” One of my former supervisors made a habit of meeting monthly with colleagues from other organizations.

Similarly, you might see if there is a professional network of church counselors in your area with whom you can discuss the occupational and social challenges of your work.