Should I ask him out for lunch? 02/07/2017

Dear Tina,

I have a huge crush on a resident doctor in our hospital. I am a research assistant, and we would occasionally bump into each other in the building. There has been no formal conversation like, "Hi! My name is ... "After three months of having a crush on him, I decided to add him on Facebook. He accepted my friend request in an hour (so maybe he did know me somehow). After being a social network friend, we would exchange a hello whenever we would see each other, but nothing more.

On his birthday, I decided to give him a cup of coffee and to tell him, ”Happy birthday!" He accepted it with a huge smile. It has been a month since the birthday coffee. I know that he is a shy type of guy and is quite reserved. He also probably knows I have a crush on him (unless he is oblivious). My question is: Should I ask him out for lunch? I know this might scare him away, yet I am really curious about him and would love to know if there is a possibility between us. Sadly, we don't have mutual friends who could help me set up a nice gathering for us. I would really love some advice on this – so that I can get rid of unnecessary feelings for him if it's not going to work out. Thank you so much!

My response: Hello.  I'm impressed. We get so many letters from people who deal with crushes for months – sometimes years – without taking steps to get answers. But you plan to figure this out sooner than later. You got him a birthday coffee, and you're ready for your next move. (Really, this kind of plot-line could take an entire season on "Grey's Anatomy.")

Based on the progression of things, I don't see any harm in asking him to lunch. Just know that if he says he's busy, you'll have to let it drop. After that, if he wants a rain-check, he'll know how to find you. If he accepts your invitation, assume that the lunch is platonic, at least for now. You can't make decisions about "possibility" until there's a real friendship. You might need more than one lunch to get the information you need.