Not quite head-over-heels. 01/26/2017

Hi Tina

Please help. I have been dating a great guy for four months. He is smart, sweet, cares about his family, and treats me really well. The problem is that I can't seem to get on the same page as him. He is crazy about me; his actions and words show me that. Sometimes the feeling is mutual, but then other times I feel like I am convincing myself to like him. All of my friends and family love him, but I have to say I feel that there is a certain spark missing. I feel guilty spending time with him now because the feelings aren't always mutual. How can someone be so perfect on paper, but just not do it for me? I know there would never be another man who would treat me better. We have fun together, so it's hard to pinpoint what is missing. I don't think I would be settling if I stay with him because he is wonderful. I could see him being a great dad, and be content in life with him. But what if there is something better? Shouldn't you just know if you find the one? How can I get past this awful doubt? I should also mention that I am 31 years old, have been on online dating, and have seen the lack of quality partners out there. While I am not afraid of starting over, I know that it is slim pickings when looking for a good catch. I always feel that if someone has said, 7 out of 10 qualities you look for in a match, that's a good thing! But what if one of the things missing is the head-over-heels feeling?

My response: Hello.

1. You shouldn't "just know" when you've found the one – because there is no one. Stop expecting to be struck by lightning, or to hear angels singing, or whatever you think happens when you meet a good match. Love grows over time, and sometimes it doesn't hit you until you've been in it for a while.

2. This relationship will have a better shot if you spend more time thinking about the present. You're evaluating his potential dad skills and thinking about your entire life together, but why must you answer the big questions now? Can't you just enjoy his company and see how your feelings grow over time?

3. Online dating can mess with your head. It can make you say things like "7 out of 10 qualities," as if there are a list of 10 qualities that someone should exhibit within the first four months of a relationship. Again, this will not hit you all at once. Have some more dates and enjoy, because it sounds like you need more time. Take care.