Live-In-Friend. 01/31/2017

Dear Tina,

I am currently supporting a guy friend who is looking for a job by offering to let him live with me. It’s been 7 months now and he still hasn’t found one, for reasons that I completely understand. The problem is that my boyfriend wants me to throw my friend out of the house as he says it restricts his privacy with me. The idea of putting my friend who is in a difficult situation into a tougher situation is not easy for me. What is even more irritating is that my boyfriend didn’t want to live with me before. But when I suggested that we break up because I am getting tired of his demands in asking me to throw my friend out, he changed his mind and now he wants to live with me. I don’t know what to do. Please help!

My response: Heyy. The unfortunate reality is that there are only so many relationships that you can prioritize. You are well within your ability to support your friends, guy or girl, employed or unemployed, for however long you desire. However, the time or space that you devote to helping these friends will take away from the time or space that you can devote to other people. All relationships have costs. Many of them also have tremendous benefit. The challenge for you is to find the relationships that give you the right balance. Otherwise, you will likely find yourself overcommitted or under-loved.

The question for you is how far you are willing to go in order to help out a friend in the context of your current relationships. You may decide that helping your friend in a tough spot is worth whatever costs you have with your boyfriend. You may also discover that you have given your friend tremendous help for these past 7 months and that it is coming time for him to find a new solution. Take care.