Leaving the past behind. 03/21/2016

Negative events of the past can make it hard to live in the present. Troubling memories can make it hard to sleep or get through the day. There will come a point at which you must let go of the past or it will define your future. And yet, we always carry out pasts with us in the ways we think, talk, and perceive the world. Managing this can feel like a tightrope walk without an end in sight. By taking things step-to-step and keeping your mind open, you can come to accept your past as part of yourself. You can leave behind the negative habits that have kept you tethered to unfulfilled dreams and broken promises.

1. Acknowledge the challenges of the past.

Unresolved past experiences can sometimes produce lasting psychological and physiological effects. In such cases, it's important to come to terms with how your past is affecting your current outlook or habits.

• An important first step is to stop trying to pretend you aren't affected by past events. You can't get over the past until you accept it. If something happens that reminds you of a traumatic event or triggers a strong emotional reaction, try to calmly acknowledge to yourself that this is the case. Let yourself feel what you feel about the past.
• Sometimes, the trauma resulting from past experiences can be so intense that it affects the people you care about. Unresolved past experience can prevent you from building strong relationships with your loved ones. They can also keep you preoccupied with dreams that never came to fruition. This, in turn, can affect your current outlook and habits in ways that make it hard to cope with obstacles in your life.

2. Understand how trauma affects the brain.

Traumatic or particularly intense experiences can affect our neurochemistry. At times, this can even impact the structure of our brains.

• If you find yourself feeling like you should just "get over it," remind yourself that reality is more complicated than that. Traumatic events can actually change the way your brain works. This can take a long time to overcome, so cut yourself some slack and try to be patient.
• The physiological and psychological effects of past experiences can seem difficult to overcome and incorporate into your life. But, it's important to keep in mine your body and brain are constantly reorganizing themselves based on new experiences. Your brain and body have changed before, and will change again. You can make that change a positive thing.

3. Accept that you cannot change what happened, only how you view it.

You can't revisit the past, but you can change the way you perceive it and handle it from now on. If you don't, your delicate self will carry over this emotional pain into other new experiences and relationships.

• Your efforts here should be directed toward accepting the past and forgiving those who may have wronged you. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you have about your past. Then, try to let those feelings go.
• When you experience anger or sorrow about the past, try to remind yourself that hanging on to these negative emotions only harms you in the end. No amount of anger will undo what happened. Acknowledge your feelings. Then, look within for the compassion to forgive those who harmed you and the strength to let go.

4. Spend time with other people.

Unresolved past experiences can sometimes make it feel impossible to trust new people in your life. This can make it hard to build healthy relationships. However, strong social support systems can be the most important factor in healing the effects of damaging experiences.

• It's important to feel supported around other people as opposed to frightened so take it slow at first; maybe just meet a new person for coffee.
• Volunteering can also be a great way for you to become more comfortable with interacting with other people again. This can even help you become more comfortable with your vulnerabilities as you see others bear their own.

5. Seek professional help.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, or utterly helpless, consider getting support from a professional. If what you're dealing with just won't go away or isn't improved with the steps above speak to a counselor or therapist.